I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
