well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize