You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
