Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
