I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
