So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
