There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
