If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
