my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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