He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
