You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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