I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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