I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize