so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This baby is an asshole
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
