If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize