matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize