WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
MIDGETS
????
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
