"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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