Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
