good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
