the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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