you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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