oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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