Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
