I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
