Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
