Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
