I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
