I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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