Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
