Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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