we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
