Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
