it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
