You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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