she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
