I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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