Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
