just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
