Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
