I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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