drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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