I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize