I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
