omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
