My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
