All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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