Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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