..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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