you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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