I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
