I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
