I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
