i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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