someone owes me an orgasm
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
