you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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