Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
