Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
