I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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