He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize