belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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