My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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