I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
