She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize