You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
