so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
