party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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