I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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