I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
