WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize