oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
