my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
